Parental Alienation and Reunification Therapy
Parental Alienation happens when one parent manipulates or undermines the relationship between their child(ren) and the other parent. It causes the child(ren) to reject the alienated parent. Which leads to the children refusing to spend time with them. Usually parental alienation is done simply as a way to get revenge for circumstances that led to the divorce.
On the surface and in regular divorces where abuse is not present, this is a manipulative tactic that is not ok. It should be looked at by the courts to determine how best to handle helping these children re-connect with their alienated parent. And, the consequences, if any, that should be handed out to the alienating parent.
However, we are going to discuss how this goes terribly sideways.
When Parental Alienation is Manipulated in Custody Cases
What happens when Parental Alienation is falsely used against a safe parent? Why does this happen?
In cases of domestic violence or abuse, the abusive spouse/parent will often claim “parental alienation” is being committed by the safe spouse/parent as a defense tactic against abuse allegations. Even though, the safe parent has not been alienating the child(ren) from the abusive parent. The children have simply rejected the abusive parent because of the abuse. They do not want to talk to that parent or spend time with them. The abuser knows that claiming parental alienation is one of the best ways to hurt the safe parent. Because, sadly, the family court system places more weight on parents rights than they do a child’s safety. In abuse custody cases where parental alienation allegations are made, the abusive parent gains full custody over the safe parent. Even when there is documented and substantiated abuse that has taken place.
Parental alienation allegations are a complex and highly contentious aspect of custody battles, particularly in cases involving abuse. It has become an insidious practice for defense lawyers to use to help get their abusive clients full custody. Not to mention, minimizing the abuse claims.
Abusive parents use false claims of parental alienation as a manipulative scheme to maintain control over the family dynamics and to further victimize the safe parent. By accusing the safe parent of alienating the child, the abusive parent aims to discredit them, undermine their parental authority, and potentially gain leverage in custody proceedings.
The Impact of False Allegations
The impact of parental alienation allegations on the safe parent and the child can be profound. The accused parent may face increased scrutiny from legal authorities and mental health professionals, leading to prolonged and emotionally taxing legal battles. Moreover, the child may experience confusion, guilt, and loyalty conflicts as they are caught in the crossfire of their parents’ disputes. It can be retraumatizing to the safe parent and child(ren) who have already gone through so much. Now, they are being victimized again and again in court. All while trying to combat these false claims. It takes a tremendous toll on the victims.
Addressing the false alienation claims in court can be daunting, exhausting, and miserable. It is important that a victim have a good team behind them to help alleviate the burden and stress. It is crucial to have a strategy for dealing with this. Evidence and Documentation, Communication, Managing expectations, and Mindset management are all part of the plan to overcoming false allegations. Yes, sadly, the victim of abuse must bring their “A game” to court if they are to have any chance of winning the battle.
In the next section we will talk about what happens when the court believes your abuser.
Parental Alienation Leads to Reunification Therapy
Judges in family court can only do so much. The system needs overhauled. Often, judges are pretty desensitized to abuse because they see broken, dysfunctional families day in and day out. Divorcing couples that end up in trial are seen as business transactions and numbers. 50/50 parent time is given the highest priority, even with abuse involved.
So, when allegations of parental alienation are made, the courts’ remedy is to order “Reunification Therapy” for the so-called alienated parent and child(ren). This means the child will be subjected to therapy with their abusive parent. Which, as you can imagine, contributes to more trauma for the child(ren).
There are cases involving parental alienation allegations that have made national attention where children have been forcefully removed from their safe parents homes and taken to what is called “Reunification Camps”. These camps collaborate with legal professionals in the family court system so judges will order that parents must use them. The cost can be astronomical up towards $60K – $100K that the safe parent must pay. We know of children running away from these facilities. They are speaking out now about the abuse they received in these unscrupulous camps. Children have spoken about being in therapy everyday and being told that their safe parent is the abuser and the abuser is the safe parent and that they have to reconcile with the abusive parent if they want to go home. They are being manipulated and gaslit further.
There is no sugar coating this. This is the reality that a lot of safe parents are facing in the family court system. The abuse they thought they would be free from by divorcing their abuser just continues through the family court weapon.
What can be done?
The family court system is in desperate need of change. And that change is slowly happening state by state. (*See our advocacy page here.)
But, until we have sweeping change in the system, we have to do what is best to protect not only ourselves, but especially our children. What that looks like will be different for each of us. It will begin with the support you gather around you from people who truly “get it”. Those individuals are priceless when you are battling through this nightmare. The team that you build should be one that has knowledge and compassion about you, your situation, your child(ren), narcissism, personality disorders, and domestic violence. This will ensure that you can stay well – grounded and emotionally and physically sustained.
Remember, there is always hope. You may lose the court battle today, but win overall because you are willing to run the marathon until it is done, however long that may be. In the end, you know your truth. You know the good, healthy relationship you have with your child(ren). No one can take that from you no matter what. And, whatever your abusive ex tries to throw at you, he/she will never have the relationship you have created with your child(ren).
With Much Love and Support – Shelly
