How To Nurture Your Soul Through Divorce
Put on Your Mask
In today’s blog, we are going to look into how to nurture your soul through your divorce.
I have been thinking about “Masks” lately. Of course, when divorcing a narcissist, we are always waiting for the glorious day when they finally take off their mask and other people start to see who they really are, especially judges and court professionals.
That is a GREAT DAY!
But for victims who have been dragged through the ringer of relationship abuse and then post-separation abuse, putting on their mask is vital for survival.
I have had the blessed privilege of being able to travel the last few years. The ritual is the same every time I board a flight, with the flight attendant going through all the safety protocols before we begin our journey.
One of the last items the flight attendants cover is the oxygen masks. They explain how in the event that cabin pressure drops an oxygen mask will drop down from the overhead compartment.
All persons on board are instructed to “Put their Mask on First” before helping those around them.
WHY?
We know it’s because we cannot help others until we help ourselves. We must give ourself the much needed oxygen our bodies crave so we have the energy and power we need to go help others put on their masks and receive their own life saving oxygen.
When you are in the middle of divorcing a narcissist (or other toxic person), your cabin air pressure is all but depleted. It is SO VITAL that you find your oxygen mask and put it on. Then, you can help your children find their masks and put them on.
This is you and your children’s method of not only surviving during this difficult time, but actually thriving. It is possible.
What is the oxygen mask you need to put on?
What does it look like?
These are great questions to ponder.
Victims of narcissistic abuse will all tell you that they have lost themselves. They don’t know who they even are anymore. They don’t know what they like to do or even how they should talk. It is the sad wreckage of trauma. Victims have been destroyed from the inside out. It’s hard to breathe.
I’m sure you can relate.
Whether you are just beginning this journey, are in the middle, or are cleaning up the aftermath, this step in your healing is crucial.
I believe one of the most important things you can do for yourself every day is to set time aside for taking care of yourself – put on your oxygen mask.
It will be something for you to explore, to ponder, and to relearn about yourself. Each of our masks will look different depending on our likes, dislikes, and preferences. So try different things until you start finding yourself again.
When I was in the middle of my high conflict divorce, my anxiety was so extreme I couldn’t calm myself down enough to sleep. So, I decided to implement something that could help me deal with the stress I was under.
I was already seeing a trauma therapist, but thought I could use more direct help at home. So, I set up a bedtime routine, which included a long, hot shower and then guided meditation through the app Calm.
This was the first time I had implemented anything like this. And I was surprised by how much this helped me go to sleep.
I know the first thing we all say is, “I don’t have time” or “I don’t know where to start”, or “I just don’t have the energy”. But, the exciting thing is you don’t have to know and taking care of yourself will give you more energy.
Give yourself compassionate permission to implement something or go out and try some thing new. You might be surprised by what you discover about yourself that might have been suppressed during your abusive relationship.
So go . . . explore you. Begin a new journey of discovering the amazing, beautiful, strong person you are and have always been. I have great hopes for you as you progress on this path of healing.
For more on this topic read the blog article listed below or CLICK HERE.
